Vin is the love of my life!

It is so amazing watching Vin grow and learn. He is learning several new words a week now. This week I heard him say "poop" and "nose". This adds to the list of his favorites.... "truck" (which actually comes out 'cuck' or 'guck') "pease" for "please", "shoes", "Jo-JO" for "georgia' "mama"& "Dada" of course, "baby", "pop", and several others

10 characteristics of a healthy relationship

trust
kindness/compassion
openness/ sharing
affection/nurturance
respect
unconditionality
positive /hopeful
acceptance
flexibility

Blogging Again at least for Today

GOD ITS BEEN AWHILE. I so love the idea of having a blog. I want a leas some sort of records of Vin's childhood and my life. I guess anything is better than none.

I am going to try again.. I will focus on Vin & my recovery.

Vin is doing so wonderful. He took his first steps at our house last week. The little stinker took some at Mamma Lynn's already but that how it goes. When he took his first steps in front of Scott and I, he stood up in the middle of the floor, butt first and took 3 or 4 steps towards Scott. I shreiked I was estatic!! We had been waiting so long. Vin is 17 & a half months old. Only like 1% of babies in his age group have not walked. But I wasn't too worried he is so smart and cute and so mobile. Scaling the couch, speed crawling, climbing furniture, shimmying from chair to chair are all easy for him. I just couldn't wait for him to walk. Every day he does it a little more and more. now he will walk places with us holding one of our hands.

this morning he was eating breakfast on the drum Scott gave him. Big Bird was sitting with him on his little chair. Vin decided he wanted to give Big Bird to me and off he went, walking while holding Big Bird. I was enthralled and so proud. My love for Vin keeps growing and growing. I will never cease to be amazed by what he can do. He makes my life so wonderful.

As far as recovery....... I am still committed 100%. I relapsed twice in the last two months. But that doesn't shake me. I have found Pema Chodran.... buddhism. She helps me. She tells the truth that I have been looking for. I posted on the Unite blog, maybe I will be able to connect with some of the girls maybe not. It is a part of my life that will never forget and I don't want to.

Little Vin

Vin was a cutie this morning as usual.

Last night he had a really good time exploring and playing in his room. First he crawled in and was looking in the full length mirror that was sitting on the floor. He loves looking at himself and touching the mirror. Then he crawled over to his basket of toys and was pulling out each toy one by one, looking to see what was all in the basket. He was really interested in the little boards that Andrea drew a snail and a ladybug on. Then I rolled him his big ball that Scott picked out for him. He was interested in it and sat with it between his legs beating it.

Earlier in my room he was hitting my guitar and its strings. He is very interested in it.

This morning he got a kick out of me when I was mimicking the little screams and screeches he was making.

When he got to daycare this morning, he crawled straight to the kitchen. Mama Lynn says he does that all the time now when he is hungry. It is his way of saying "Fee Me!"

RE Connecting

I just got done glancing at the First Step Recovery blog. I read some of the posts. It made me pretty sad. I have totally lost touch with those girls. But I can move past the sadness. It just wasn't meant to be.

These are the areas of my life I want to focus on:
1) My role as a mother & my relationship with Vin
2) My relationship with Scott and our family unit
3) My relationship with myself
a) friendships & family
b) well being - health, nutrition & mental health
c) hobbies/passions (music, nature, reading)
d) career/education goals

On this blog I really wanted to journal about what is happening in Vin's life and I will get to that but I really need to work on my relationship with myself. I see myself regressing slightly. I have been isolating in a way. I stay busy, I attend activities .... Kindermusic & La Leache League, but I still feel lonely. I feel as if I don't have any real connections. I feel fake.

What can I do?
- reconnect with Teresa, Do I know what she will tell me?
- contact group members, Michelle Fatema?
- email Barb, Liz, Heidi, La Leache Leage women
- Email the Midwestern Feminist girl
- contact Jen from Houston
- Tatjana
- Kim
- Joscyln
- find some books to read about the subject
-call Kelli or susie
- contact the neighbor that stopped by on Halloween
- Becky from FC
- go to lunch with campus people, trista, angela, megan
- Shalla

For me it seems so much easier to be alone. I know I have the power to change my mind, to stay positive. I will never go back to where I was!!!