I haven't felt inspired to blog for awhile. My ED support group blog is a little discouraging, not very many of the girls are intersted in it. But I have to be realistic....mabye they don't have as much time as I do next to a computer.

I had a little bit of the "feeling fat" anxiety this morning. I absolutley don't have any cloths. I need to buy size twelves and it is not my favorite thing to do. I put on some maternity pants that I hadn't worn for awhile, they were alittle tighter, but when I looked at my body I felt good. I just have this fear that my body will explode or blimp out. I want to buy some cloths that I feel good in. I don't get to exercise very much, and I know that I really need to because that keeps me feeling really good, and there is no chance that I can start overdoing it. I don't have time.

Vinny is my #1 past time first. I am so thankful that I am able to put him first in my life and that I can take really good care of him. And that mentally and spiritually I am at a place where I can really enjoy it and be fairly relaxed. I have been feeling pretty happy the last couple days. I caught myself singing in the car yesterday! Wow. I still feel lonely sometimes. I tend to be a loner, but I am trying to leave myself open and ready to meet and be with others. Last night I was really proud of myself. Scott had a show and his bandmates came over to load up. I was back in my bedroom nursing Vin and keeping Bela locked down. Scott and his bandmates were loud and jolly and having a good time. In the past I have been very jealous, but last night I tried to keep in mind that I won't always feel lonely. Someday I can very likely have close friends who I laugh with. I do have friends. I can have things and relationships that I want in my life. That is a vague statement, but it is sort of a new concept in my life. Versus feeling sorry for myself.